Episode 02: All Aboard the Hate Train

Episode 02: All Aboard the Hate Train is the second episode of the first season of A Slap on Titan. It adapts and abridges the second episode of the Attack on Titan anime series' first season, "That Day: The Fall of Shiganshina, Part 2".

The episode was released on Tom Andre's YouTube channel, Tomandre, on March 14, 2014.

Synopsis
Eren's manhood is questioned, Mikasa unleashes untold physical abuse, Armin discovers a new fetish, and the Gang meets an unstoppable, foul-mouthed force of nature.

Plot
With the wall breached, people are being devoured by Titans. One of the priests screams at citizens at how they ignored their past warnings and are paying for it with death, including the priest himself who ends up eaten by a Titan. As Hannes runs off with Eren and Mikasa, Eren begins punching Hannes repeatedly for sleeping with Carla. Hannes stops Eren by throwing him to the ground. Hannes tries to comfort Eren by telling him that Carla was just a human being with human needs and that Hannes was the person around to fulfill those needs, but this only helps with angering Eren more. Hannes grabs Eren's fist when he attempts to punch the garrison soldier, telling Eren the possibility that he may be the boy's Father. Eren asks what were the odds of this being true and Hannes says there's a 20-30% chance Eren is related to Hannes. This realization stops Eren's anger as he begins to deny any chance that he's a ginger, especially that he may be the son of Hannes. Eren and Mikasa are escorted by Hannes to an escape boat and is reunited with Armin. The Garrison soldiers attempt to stop the Titans with cannons, but fail to bring any damage. In the end the majority of the Garrrison decide to close the gate leaving many soldiers outside for dead, but the Armored Titan breaks through the gate, being seen from a distance by the sail boat survivors. Armin tries to comfort Eren by showing him some cutting rituals, but Eren brushes Armin aside. Eren claims how his mother was pure until the Titans emerged and blame them for causing Carla to sleep with Hannes and the other men ( even though this doesn't make sense) and vows to kill all Titans.

After Eren is brought to safety, he is reunited with Grisha. Eren has visions of Grisha giving him a "tetanus shot" with the syringe being as big as Eren's arm. Eren wakes up with a key around his neck with Mikasa waking him up admitting that she stared into his eyes to sleep, with Eren replying that it was gay. Eren and Mikasa are greeted by Armin who gives them pieces of bread with a Garrison soldier accusing the trio of being animal fuckers. Eren tries to stand up to the soldiers but is shoved to the ground. Armin and Mikasa apologize to the soldiers. Eren is angered how he had to kiss up to the soldiers and throws away his piece of bread out of anger and decides to find the soldiers and kick their asses. Armin tries to dissuade Eren's goal for revenge as they needed to focus on survival for the time being. Eren becomes enraged with Armin's response and lashes out by calling him a little bitch, but Mikasa stops him by punching him in the face. Mikasa tells Eren that he's the only one crying like a little bitch and stands up for Armin, saying they needed to think about survival and shoves the piece of bread into Eren's mouth telling him to eat. After Armin's grandfather died after during a failed attempt to take back Wall Maria. Mikasa tries to cheer Armin up by saying they were all orphans and were more unified. Eren decides to join the military to avenge his mother as well as Armin's grandfather.

One year later, Eren, Mikasa and Armin draft themselves to be part of the training corps. With 104 cadets being addressed by their Sarge, the Sarge announces "I put in an order to the empire to send me a shit load of bad-asses, and pillage hungry murder machines.... and instead all i got was you cupcake cunt clowns and a side order of fuck nuggets. I can tell at a glace that at least 50% of you are cock suckers and the other 50% are cock suckers who have never been told to believe in themselves. I'm gonna shove my boot so far, and fast up your asshole it will trigger a geological event. You all reek of poverty and animal abuse, every breath you take is a stunning endorsement of abortion, you shit stains are a collective master piece of failure. You cock goblin, circle jerk each other to exhaustion every night. You signed up to get pounded by the titans, and probably cried like sissy when you realized they don't actually have dicks. Your sensitive pussy cried so many tears you could float away on a river of douche canoes. You glitter town cock wrangler fairy tinkle fag puffin fag fuck nuggets are gonna get your anal cavity's stretched so far apart, you'll think your getting double fist'ed by the colossal titan himself. I will reorganized the failure that is all your life, i will fuck start your souls. I'll make you mongoloid rock choppin thunder cunts scream harder then your mothers after her 4th failed coat hanger abortion. I'm gonna chop off your shrivel balls, put them where your eyes should be, put a sombrero on your head and beat you like a pinata, hell i'll make you shit so many bricks you'll put the Mexicans out of business. But fear not, cause in 3 years, i will turn you cock monarchs, into fuck master of galactic destruction."

Characters

 * Eren Yeager, Sarge- Casey May
 * Mikasa Ackerman, Petra, Ymir, Rico - Memos
 * Armin, Granpop, Weasly Guard - Tom Andre
 * Colossal Titan, Rasta Guard - KJ @Playlegit
 * Hannes - Jason Johns
 * Narrator - Holodeck
 * Scottish Guards - The Canadian, Matt G
 * Civilians, Guards - Hector Gutierrez, Matt G, Tim S, The Canadian

Crew

 * Audio Engineering & Tech - The Canadian, Katie
 * Video Engineering - Jason Johns

Transcript
A Slap On Titan

(crow feeding on severed arm looks up)

Crow: Evil Crow!

(show picture of city burning)

Broom Preacher: Oooooh no you said. The world isn't ending you said

(show titan face)

Broom Preacher: Well look who's laughin now! You doubted me for years, but me and my trusty dustbroom, we were right.

(show more images of titans rampaging through the district people hiding in fear and running)

(little girl hiding fro titans with her mother)

Little Girl: It's like daddy when he's drinking

(cut to Broom preacher)

Broom Preacher: If you'd only banged your heads against the wall like we were. Noooo! You have no idea what you're gonna do and now were all gonna die!

(cut to picture of woman running into an alleyway)

Woman: Oh no walls! My weakness!

(Titan appears overhead)

Titan: Peekaboo, bitch! I hope you pregnant hoe! You know I need them prenatals!

(cut back to dustbroom preacher)

Dustbroom Preacher: That's right! Run you fucks! You don't have the power of the dustbroom! Oh thank god I wore my best clothes for judgement day.

(titan appears over the dustbroom preacher)

Dustbroom Preacher: Oh! Thank you so much so much for proving me right! (frightened laugh) This is literally, the happiest day of my

(preachers book falls to the floor)

Dustbroom Preacher: Ah! Ah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (crunching sounds)

(fade to scene of Hannes, carrying Mikasa and Eren)

Eren: You Bastard! You slept with my mom!"

(Eren hits Hannes)

Hannes: Jesus Eren, get off!

(Hannes throws Eren)

Mikasa: Eren!

Hannes: Holy shit! Did you see that, I just fucking morpheused your ass

(Mikasa rushes to Eren)

Eren: I can't hear anything out of my left ear! I think I'm leaking spinal fluid

Mikasa: No, it's OK. You just pissed yourself.

Eren: Oh thank god!

Hannes Dammn Eren!You just got fucked up

(cut to video of Hannes)

Eren: I hate you Hannes!

Hannes: Look Eren, you need to understand, your mom was a human being who had human needs and I was just the person who happened to be around to fulfill them

(Eren crawls over to Hannes)

Eren: (Grunting)

(Hannes stops erens hand as he tries to punch him)

Hannes: But eren, you need to accept me if not for your moms sake then do it because I might be your father!

(Awkward silence)

Hannes: Awww shit! she didn't mention that did she?